Top 5 Christmas Movies

Much like ‘s character in High Fidelity, I too like my Top 5 lists, and it’s right about that time when pumpkin spice everything starts creeping in reminding us that the holidays are rapidly closing in on us. I personally hate the holidays, I really can’t put my finger on a single reason why the autumn and winter holidays suck so much, besides Halloween obviously. It could be the greedy profit hungry box stores shoving Christmas garbage in our faces right after Labor Day, maybe it’s my ability to see my future hard earned money disappearing for gifts of family and in-laws I never see or have ever met, but it’s probably most likely that shitty holiday music you can’t escape for the whole month of December.

It obviously hasn’t always been this way, I remember loving Christmas as a kid, I was very blessed to have a family who celebrated and was able to provide a loving and homely holiday experience. As a teen I fondly remember going to Seattle with friends, never buying anything since we didn’t have a lot of money, but loving the experience of friends and decorations covered in frost and snow. It wasn’t until I became a cynical adult and felt like I was being forced into these wonderful joyous events.

One thing has always continuously made me happy around the holidays though, movies. Christmas movies to be exact. I don’t know what it is about them, they’re like their own genre of film. There’s comedy, action, sci-fi, horror, drama, indie, then Christmas movies. Yeah, yeah, there’s so many more genres but I’m not going to list them all, just add an etc. to the end, you twit.

You’ve been so kind to read up to this point so I won’t continue to ramble on much longer, here’s the Top 5 Christmas Movies.

5. Silent Night, Deadly Night

Yeah, the cats out of the bag, this list technically IS Christmas movies,it just so happens to be my favorite top 5 Christmas Movies, so you wont find Miracle on 34th Street or It’s a Wonderful Life type on it. First up is the special Christmas slasher film of 1984, duplicated but never replicated, Silent Night, Deadly Night.

When I think of Christmas I think of sleigh bells, gifts, and families sharing time with each other while shopping at their favorite department stores. Then I think what it would be like if a demented store Santa finally snapped and went on a killing spree around a small town. That’s essentially Silent Night, Deadly Night. A true slasher classic topped with a Santa hat.

4. Go

Go is already not well known, it’s also very underrated, which makes it an even lesser known fact that it’s also a Christmas movie. Go follows three different characters over the course of one night, all surrounding a drug dealer and a drug deal gone bad. That night just so happens to be Christmas Eve, leading a road trip to Las Vegas, shoplifting and selling over the counter medications at a rave to ignorant and impressionable teens, and the story of two gay actors trying to get out of jail time and the pyramid scheme, Confederated Products.

Go is unmistakably 1999, a classic in its own right, but the fact that it’s also a Christmas movie makes it a must on this list.

3. A Christmas Story

Yeah, yeah, the top 5 Christmas movies can’t all be an ironic sarcastic jabs at the genre. I tried so hard to put A Christmas Story lower on the list, to kind of ease you into it, but it’s just so damn good. I didn’t have the heart to make it number 5, it hurt me so much putting it this low on the list. A Christmas Story is a staple in our household on Christmas day, a tradition. It runs on repeat the entire day, from when we wake up and open presents until we lie our heads down to sleep, Ralphie and his Red Ryder BB gun fill our hearts with uncontrollable happy vibes.

The Tradition of A Christmas Story has been in my family for so long, that my mom even gifted me a Red Ryder BB gun for Christmas late into my 20’s even after I moved out and had a family and kids of my own. That’s just how rooted A Christmas Story is in our family. Maybe one year we’ll even have duck for dinner…

2. Gremlins

A lot of people forget that the mogwai was actually purchased as a Christmas gift for Billy from his father. The entire story of those furry creatures, feeding them after midnight, getting them wet, then birthing reptile like gremlins all takes place around Christmas. Gremlins is a borderline horror movie, from the creepy Little Drummer Boy record playing in the background of a rampant gremlin attack, the dark science lab, the unforgettable cinema bash, and the last bit with Stripe and his chainsaw obviously make it an instant Christmas classic in my book.

1. Die Hard

C’mon, was there ever any question that Die Hard wasn’t going to be number 1? Die Hard is the only film that can stop A Christmas Story from running all day. Die Hard makes it appearance on Christmas Eve then finishes up Christmas night, right after the kids put their cute little heads down to sleep.

John McClane and his one man exploits to take down terrorists all while blowing up half of Nakatomi tower not only makes it one of the greatest movies of all time, but also tops it off as the best Christmas movie of all time. Now what movie can boast that, huh? Die Hard is as much the unmistakable king of Christmas films as it is of action films. All hail the unstoppable John McClane, the gift that just keeps on giving, much like Christmas.

Here are some of the honorable mentions, I didn’t have the heart to not include them, they were all under consideration, but only 5 could make the short list: Scrooged, Home Alone, Nightmare Before Christmas,Mickey’s Christmas Carol (fond, fond childhood memories. This one almost made the list, its nostalgia game is strong), and Edward Scissorhands.