What can I say about The Witcher 2? I think I would start with it is everything you would expect from a year old PC-port. Great graphics, engaging storyline, and controls/mechanics that are absolute garbage. From combat to stealth, you will be amazed at how poorly they translated over to the console version. It’s awesome when you want to sneak around and you are used to doing such things thanks to masterwork games like Splintercell and you can barely get a chance to press the X button before you are inevitably heard and attacked by the entire keeps worth of guards. Oh! And don’t forget how many times you get to see a loading screen….GLORIOUS! Here’s another bonus: Your teammates can hurt you as well…
Another “feature” would be that you spend more time watching the game than actually playing it. Through either cinematics, or simply being forced to watch your character use the ENTIRE ladder he is climbing on, you are not in charge of the adventure, but merely here for the ride.
Speaking of dialing in it, I have no idea how the combat was on the PC version, but your character can simply not take on several characters at the same time. You are forced to routinely dodge all of your foes while delivering hit and run blows and spend more time prancing through battle and rolling on the ground than you do actually hitting targets…unless you really like fireballs.
Toss in the fact that everything in the game turns into a mini-game…mini-games that are NOT fun. From arm wrestling, to bar fight brawling you are going to press more meaningless button combinations than you can shake a stick at….or at least shake a silver witcher’s blade.
Now there are a couple benefits to The Witcher 2: The story line is very mature, although the voice acting is extremely cliche and stereotypical. And also boobs. There are lots of boobs in the game. But I don’t think naked breasts alone could save this game. (“I disagree!” – Note from Editor)
The Witcher 2 is a Skyrim clone from a drugged up surrogate mother. If you’re still interested in The Witcher 2, you might just want to wait till it hits the bargain bin or you can find a used copy, because for me, it’s another case of buyers remorse.
Back to the Castle!